WANTED: FULL TIME SCOREKEEPER
The Falcons are currently seeking a full-time scorekeeper to keep track of the score and statisticals during the 2013 Falcons' WMSPL season. Cashley said during the first game that he's sick and tired of doing it himself.
JOB DESCRIPTION: Scorekeeper
DUTIES: (hee hee... duties) Keep accurate score, for the FULL game, no naps, no matter how boring the game gets; Pizza accounting, who owes, how much, etc.; Duck-counting; any other ridiculous stats team reporter Timmy decides to add to the boxscore
QUALIFICATIONS: We're looking for an individual with a pretty pathetic life. Seriously: we need someone with nothing better to do than show up at the park 2 or 3 times per week to watch old men try to play sports and keep track of who sucks the most. That being said, a 4-year University degree in accounting and a post-grad MBA should cover it. (Obviously, anyone who qualifies to the educational requirements will automatically qualify as having a pretty pathetic life)
COMPENSATION: Whatever you finds, you keeps. Keep your mucky maulers out of the beer kitty.
CONTACT: Please send a resume with a $100 bill to Assistant Director of Falcons Human Resources Timmy at: TimTheTimmyTim@falconsslopitch.com