Falcons Forum

That sigh of relief you hear is Coach Cashley, upon hearing that last night�s pivotal matchup between the 10-3 Falcons and the 5-7-1 Bradley Motors Shifters was cancelled due to the field being replaced by an ocean-type facility.

�Thank goodness,� Cashley said. �All our outfield except Dinner had signed out for the game. I�d been scrambling all day to figure out who I was going to play out there.

�It was going to be Senior in left. We�ve seen him perform at a high level there before, stealing Coulas home runs. It�s obvious that he taught Beaver everything he knows.

�I was going to have The Legend in left-centre. Of the remaining outfielders, he definitely has the most experience. Coming up on about 85 seasons� worth. So we were confident in that decision.

�Don�t call me Dick was going to patrol right-centre. He�s made play after play after play at first this year, so I figured it wouldn�t be much of a difference going to the outfield.

�Right field was the hardest decision of all. SLF has been spectacular. Don�t know if you�ve noticed, but over the last three games, he has a 1.000 fielding percentage. No, it doesn�t matter that over that span he�s only had one ball hit to him. He�s been perfect, and figuring out who to play to replace him was the second-hardest decision I made yesterday, after trying to decide whether I should begin the day with a double scotch. Obviously I had the scotch.

�So I decided that it would be best for the team to play myself out there. There�s really no one better that I can think of who would do a better job. It would have been difficult to live up to SLF�s standards, but I was going to try my damndest.

�Dinner? Oh yeah. He was going to play catcher. His enthusiasm for playing the game has been lacking lately, so I decided to bust his ass down to catcher for a game or four. Since both our pitchers were going to be playing in the outfield, Dougothy was going to take the mound for us. We�ve all seen the movement he can put on a ball from the shortstop position, so I wanted to see if that translated to pitching.

�Anyway, the game got rained out so we didn�t have to go with the modified line up. And that�s a relief. I wasn�t looking forward to cleaning up the mess after Don�t call me Dick ran over The Legend chasing down a fly ball.�

The Falcons now have 25 games remaining on their schedule, and only 76 days in which to play them. That�s a game-every-three-days clip, and no doubt all the oldies on the team will be feeling the burn by mid-August.