With the Falcons’ season soon drawing to a close, and the playoffs fast approaching, it’s time to answer some reader mail. These are, and always will be, real questions from real readers of the Falcons website.
Our first question comes from D. Short, or Doug S. I’m not really sure, they weren’t very specific:
I recently went to the Sundowner and ended up sleeping with a stripper and now it burns like the fires of hell when I take a piss. My question is this ... if you were making a scarpbook (sic) of all the girls you slept with and got an autograph from a stripper, would you get her "stage name" or her "real name"?
D. or Doug: My question to you is: why do you care one iota about her name?
Our next few questions are from reader Lindsay Weir. She begins:
Why do the Falcons have "pizza night"? Why not a "white-wine spritzer night" or "everyone come to the ball park dressed as your favourite Will Ferrell character night"?
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a look inside the cooler in Million Dollar Bill’s van after the game, but there’s always a vast supply of white wine spritzers available. Simply look for the bottles marked “Coors Light”. As for your query about dressing up, check the player previews: we already have a guy who goes by “The Tank”.
Should I keep my Meatloaf t-shirt or donate it to charity? Meatloaf's due for another triumphant return to rock god status right????
I’ve done some legwork for you and gone ahead and called Value Village. They told me “We’ll take anything for charity, but we won’t take that.”
I think Bases Loaded is the best NES baseball game ever made. What do the Falcons think is number 1?
Baseball Simulator 1000
Bad News baseball
Dusty Diamond All-Star Softball
Roger Clemens' MVP Baseball
Well Lindsay, you certainly have done your research, but you have missed the all-time greatest baseball game for NES, and that was RBI Baseball III. I still have a copy, and it is without a doubt the most realistic baseball game ever made. There was no need to poll the team to get their opinion, because there’s no logical argument for any other game.
Our last question of the day is from reader Confucius:
What is the meaning of life?
This is a question I get asked a lot, and my answer is always the same. Just remember the four ‘B’s: Bacon, Baseball, Beer and Boobies. Every day should contain all four, and preferably in that order. Stick to that mantra, and you’re 100% absolutely guaranteed a glorious and fulfilling life*
*Not a guarantee.