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assignment Falcons Complete Perfect Season Opening Homestand

The Falcons completed their season opening mini-homestand with a gutsy win over Bradley on Tuesday night, 12-10. Immediately after the game the team left on the FALCONS1, the team private jet, bound for Coulas to begin a 4 game road trip that will see them face the aforementioned bitter rival Coulas, 2012 League Champion Hanet, the spiffy green-shirted A’s, and the always tough Rebels.

The Falcons (2-0), allowed Bradley (1-1) to get off to a quick start, allowing four runs off two home runs in the top of the first. However they didn’t let that get them down, as they responded quickly with a three-run blast off the bat of Our only friend in the bottom of the first to trail Bradley by a single run.

It was a breakout game by Our only friend, with a home run, a two-bagger and 4 RBI in his Falcons debut. He opened the Falcons scoring in the bottom of the first with a 3-run dinger, and nearly had a second one in the fifth, hitting a long double off the centrefield fence. “You guys can count on AT LEAST this kind of performance EVERY GAME,” said Our only friend, pointing at a flexed bicep, “I’ll pay for a whole pizza in every game I DON’T go yard!”

Don’t call me Dick also refuses to take a break, hitting his first Falcons home run and collecting three RBI of his own. Goliath continues to be the anchor of the Falcons line up, with a frozen rope that cleared the fence by 6 inches easily, and 3 RBI.

The pizza fund continues to accumulate wealth, with contributions by Thirteen Dollar Bill, Fo’ Shizzle (his first ever payment), and The Legend, who said “You’re not allowed to use this to buy pineapple pizza! That’s dessert, ya pansies!”

Senior, fresh off his monthly Brazilian (for aerodynamics!), showed that being 104 years old doesn’t mean you can’t run: he scored easily from second base on a single by Don’t call me Dick in the third inning. “Now if I only had the energy to chase those damn kids off my lawn!” said Senior.

The dreaded curse of the Double-Sevens seems to have affected Rookie #1, who fell back to earth and going “only” 1 for 2 with a walk, after a stunning debut last week. (or maybe it’s that Mets hat he wears… The Mets (14-22), suck hard. Get that guy a uniform)

Attendance fell by 100% for this game, likely due to unseasonably cold weather at K2 Field at Maypo Yards. The evening began cold, and only got colder. The Falcons could have opened a glass-cutting business by the end of this one.

But the big story of the day (as you can tell because I buried it way down here), was Falcons defence. THREE, count ‘em 1-2-3 double plays easily made up for the couple of fielding errors as the Falcons held a much-improved Bradley team to a season low ten runs.

Game Notes:
Seeing the power coming off the bats of Goliath and Our only friend reminds me of something, I just can’t put my finger on what… Dinner continues to lead the team in triples… Papa Bear was rocking the “Iron Mike” memorial gray pants. “I tried to buy his #33 Falcons jersey at his garage sale too, but the asking price of $55,000 was just too high”… A wooden folding chair was set up at the field for former coach “Iron Mike” to use, instead of hiding in the bushes like we all know he is. Shy as always, he wouldn’t come out to use it… With attendance going as low as it can possibly go, Falcons Flexpax® have been reduced in price from “Free” to “Even Free-er”, as well as additions of “Ladies Night” (which is every night. Seriously. Wives have always been invited, and they always drink free), and several Bobblehead giveaways are scheduled.


2B: Goliath, Our only friend
3B: --
HR: Goliath, Our only friend, Don’t call me Dick
RBI: Our only Friend (4), Goliath (3), Don’t call me Dick (3), Senior, Dinner
LOB: 8
Pizzas: Thirteen Dollar Bill (2/3), Fo’ Shizzle (2/3), The Legend (1/3)

DOUBLE PLAYS: Cashley-Don’t call me Dick; Tank-Don’t call me Dick; Thirteen Dollar Bill-The Legend


STADIUM: K2 Field at Maypo Yards
ATTENDANCE: 0 (0% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)
WEATHER: 9.2°C Clear, Dark; Wind SE, 2 km/h (courtesy whitbyweather.com)


Team 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Final
Bradley Motors Shifters 4 0 0 4 0 0 2 10
Falcons 3 2 6 0 1 0 X 12
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Posted on: Tuesday May 14th, 2013 at 9:30PM