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assignment One-Dimensional Falcons Use 6 Long Balls to Defeat A's

The Falcons used a fifteen-run third inning, and scored in every other inning except the first in a 23-9 WMSPL-Mandated Time-Limit shortened contest over 2013 WMSPL Playoff Tournament Champion A's on a foreboding Wednesday night at K1 Stadium.

The top of the batting order pooped the bed in the top of the first inning, sending a jaw dropping four men to the plate. Three were retired quickly and quietly to post the only scoreless inning for the Falcons in this contest. The A's jumped out quickly in the bottom of the first, showing how a real team plays ball: singles, buddy. Several well placed hits led to a three spot for the home side.

The Falcons showed their one-dimensionality in the top of the second inning, as Bird and Lacey led off the inning with back-to-back bombs. These would be the only two runs the Falcons would score via the long ball all night. As anyone with a pulse knows, the Falcons can't do anything after they're +2 in homers, so the rest of the game was uneventful. The Falcons moped whilst sitting on their thumbs in the dugout as the A's cruised to a 3-2 vic... No, wait, that's not what happened at all! The team that all the other teams think live and die by the long ball came up resiliently in the top of the third inning and sent 20 batters up. 13 singles and two doubles, aided by some A's errors, and the Falcons had scored fifteen runs in one inning without any Trottable® home runs.

That inning was a fluke, obviously. The A's didn't hit a ball over the fence all night, so the Falcons were completely hand-cuffed (and not the fuzzy kind) the rest of the way, unable to lean on old faithful, the dinger, at all. So they didn't score any more for the rest of... hold on, what's that you say? The Falcons were able to put up runs in the next three innings as well without any home runs? Blasphemy! Impossible! ONE-DIMENSIONAL, GODDAMMIT!

Well, get used to it. These aren't your great-great-grandfather's (you know, Junior's) Falcons anymore. This team can play National League-style small ball as shown on this night, scoring 21 runs without hitting anything more than a double.

No time to rest on their laurels (whatever those are), however. The Falcons will try to extend the current winning streak to four as they take on Coulas on Friday at 9:30 on K1 for their first repeat-opponent of the season.

Game Notes: Bird becomes the first Falcon in history to owe 1/3 of a pizza for hitting a ball over the fence... The Legend is showed his mind is still sharp with the 2-3 putout when the rest of the world thought the ball was foul... Life is less funny when Big Lungs signs out... Falcon Picture Day was going to be scheduled for Sunday, but since half the team won't be there, forget it... Break out the white pants! Bud Light Sensation Rave is happening November 29 at Rogers Centre...Obviously the new rule regarding home runs is really having its desired effect throughout the league: Total runs scored league-wide so far in 2014: 1618. At this point in 2013: 1248

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: The Legend, Our Only Friend, Goliath
3B: --
HR: Bird, Lacey
HR-Fouls: Bird (2), Our Only Friend, Someone else (cut off at the bottom)
RBI: Cash-man (4), Dinner (4), Million Dollar Bill (3), The Legend (2), Lacey (2), Our Only Friend (2), Bird (2), Beaver (2), Senior, Tank
LOB: 11
PIZZAS: The Legend (1/3), Senior (1/3), Tank (1/3), Bird (1/3, spectacularly)

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 39

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 Stadium (naming rights still available)
ATTENDANCE: 0 (0% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)
GAME TIME: 1:25
WEATHER: 17.2°C, Nearby Thunderstorms; Humidity 94%; Wind E, 18 km/h (weather data courtesy Environment Canada)

Boxscore:

Team 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Final
Falcons 0 2 15 2 1 3 x 23
A's 3 0 3 0 0 3 x 9
Tags: None
Posted on: Wednesday June 11th, 2014 at 9:30PM
Comment #1

Fo’ Shizzle - 2 HR-Fouls in the same at bat.

Posted on: Thursday June 12th, 2014 at 11:05AM
Posted by: Coach
Comment #2

Oh man... too many edits if I include that. Have to change the boxscore, the recap title...

Forget it. I'm going for a nap.

Posted on: Thursday June 12th, 2014 at 11:25AM
Posted by: Anonymous
Comment #3

I would like to protest the 1/3 pizza rule on a home run strike out. Everyone knows the girls home run rule is ridiculous, but supporting it with a pizza payment, that's just a very.... direct... shot.

Posted on: Thursday June 12th, 2014 at 9:20PM
Posted by: bird
Comment #4

I agree with Bird... re-instate 1/3 pizza for not scoring a runner from 3rd with less than 2 out... (which I am guilty of).

Posted on: Friday June 13th, 2014 at 7:44AM
Posted by: Shizzle
Comment #5

Also, can we add bunts to the league? If we are supposed to take something off our swing because the fences are 4 ft from home plate, and some of the older ladies get upset because people can hit more than 4 ft...Might as well be able to bunt... Then we can play real small ball! Lol!

Posted on: Friday June 13th, 2014 at 7:49AM
Posted by: Bird
Comment #6

Team vote tonight and Sunday as to what fines will be going forward.

Suggestions:
K = 1
FK = 1/3
HRK = Hi 5s?
Porter=No Hi 5s
Stranding a runner at 3rd when < 2 out = 1/3
Hitting into DP = 1/3
Showing up late with no or very little notice = 1/3
Forgetting to sign out or no show = 1
Defensive or offensive SFP = 1/3
Not marking the score sheet properly = 1/3
Not knowing how many are out = 1/3
Bad base coaching = 1/3

We should have enough to feed you hungry bitches.

Posted on: Friday June 13th, 2014 at 10:02AM
Posted by: Coach
Comment #7

We're going to need a bigger napkin.

Posted on: Friday June 13th, 2014 at 10:33AM
Posted by: SLF
Comment #8

Does that mean the bloody bitch is back?!?

"I was justified when I was five
Raising Cain, I spit in your eye
Times are changing, now the poor get fat
But the fever's gonna catch you when the bitch gets back"

Posted on: Friday June 13th, 2014 at 6:02PM
Posted by: Elton
Comment #9

I don't like this one - Showing up late with no or very little notice = 1/3

Posted on: Friday June 13th, 2014 at 10:58PM
Posted by: Fake Chris
Comment #10

Late is less than 30 minutes to game time

Posted on: Saturday June 14th, 2014 at 2:13AM
Posted by: Fake junior
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