WARNING: THE EVENTS IN THIS RECAP MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ACTUALLY OCCURRED. THIS RECAP IS NOT TO BE USED AS EVIDENCE IN ANY HEARING REGARDING THE ACTUAL RESULTS OF THE GAME PLAYED
Cash Man once again came within a triple of the cycle, and simultaneously performed both open heart AND brain surgery on three different monkeys at second base as the Falcons won in convincing fashion over Sean's Division rival Direct Elevator on Sunday evening.
The game started off on a strange note, with both Michael Jackson AND Whitney Houston performing "The Star Spangled Banner" prior to the game for some reason. The two of them were picked up by a Mad Max-style band of motorcycle riding hyenas.
In an unprecedented move, the WMSPL unanimously voted to rescind the +2 home run rule for only the top of the first inning for this game, so the Falcons One Dimentioned themselves into a 3-0 lead with three solo home runs. Direct came right back in the bottom of the first with twelve runs of their own, but none of them counted because we all forgot to keep score.
The Falcons scored six in the top of the second as Past President Pitcher walked the first nine batters who came to the plate. He then struck out the next three, relieved to have gotten out of the inning without surrendering a hit. Sensing a blowout, the umpire left after the top of the second inning via a chartered helicopter that landed in centre field. He was replaced with an exact doppelganger who would have fooled everyone except that he wanted to call the game from the left field foul pole.
Direct was held scoreless until the bottom of the fourth, thanks in no small part to the parking lot pickup they made just prior to the game in Xtreme's Jamie Allan, who went completely 0-for for the game. This is the only factual statement contained in this recap. Or is it?
The Falcons put up one in the top of the third when Lacey hit a pop up that went up but never came down again. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the umpire called in an inside the park home run from his perch atop the foul pole. CAW!
Whitby's most beloved Slo Pitch Team scored two more in the top of the fourth when SLF hit a roller to the fence in right-centre and ran around the bases twice. This totally counted.
After Direct scored in the bottom of the fourth, both teams decided that was enough scoring for this game, and made a campfire at second base and sang Taylor Swift songs until the WMSPL League Mandated 85-minute time limit was reached.
Game Notes: Seņior Sevens had nothing but great things to say about everyone's game play... Million Dollar Bill forgot to bring any Coors Light, causing a riot and Bill wondering how he was going to get his van right side up again... The Legend went 9-for-9, in four plate appearances... Our Only Friend informed the team after the game that he's not actually our friend... Tank has forgone Arnica and will now sign an endorsement deal with Advil... Beardo showed up for the game clean-shaven and will now be known as "Dude Formally Known as Beardo"... President Dinner used the little known "WMSPL Presidential Power of Made Up Statistics" to add 4 home runs to his total for this game... Fo' Shizzle played all four outfield positions, and the Falcons fielded four catchers... The victory brings the Falcons' magic number to win the Sean's Division Championship down to 4...
2B: Cash Man, Beardo, Dinner
HR: Cash Man, Lacey (Yay Uncle Dougie!!)
RBI: Cash Man (4), Lacey (3), Fo' Shizzle (2), Our Only Friend, Million Dollar Bill, Dinner
PIZZAS: The Legend (3/3)
DOUBLE PLAYS: Almost one
BATTERS FACED: 29
STADIUM: K1 Stadium (Naming rights still available)
ATTENDANCE: 9, including four Xtreme Hill People (45% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)
GAME TIME: 1:16
WEATHER: --°C, Partly Cloudy; Humidity --%; Wind --, -- km/h (weather data courtesy Environment Canada)
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