At a press conference held earlier today, the Falcons announced that they have relieved Ashley Teeter of his duties of line-up and defensive alignment preparation effective immediately.
"Have you seen what happened??!?" yelled new Falcons GM Giggles McTitters. "We finished EIGHTH! EIGHTH! Can you believe that? This firing is my first official act as GM of the Falcons, because frankly, the team needed it. Teets has been doing this job since 2011. He's getting tired, and it shows. EIGHTH!"
McTitters was subsequently subdued, and sent for a much needed nap. Follow-up questions were handled by Teets' replacement, SLF.
"OK, I'll be happy to take as many questions as you have... Whoa, that's a lot of hands. OK, you, in the 'I'm with Stupid' T-shirt, then one more."
"Yes, I'll be making the line-ups going forward, and setting out the defence. No, I was not voted in. Is it hot in here?" said a clearly-sweating SLF.
"I'm not a coach. Don't call me 'coach'. You can call me anything but 'coach' and 'late for dinner'. My mom's laughing at that one."
SLF continued, "This change will allow Teets to concentrate on hitting, fielding, and covering first base on ground balls hit to the right side. You know, fundamentals."
When reached for comment, Teets said "What a relief. Can't wait to get back out there. I was tired of dealing with the ire of so-called 'underused' talent. You want to play more? Stop sucking!"
McTitters was later found asleep in the bucket of a front-loader.
The Falcons will begin their 2018 regular season on May 4 at 9:30 at home against the Rebels. They're competing for the Vice-President's Division title for the first time this millennium.