After a tumultuous off season last year, the Falcons were relatively quiet for the past few months. But fear not! Changes were made, some major, some minor. Come see what happened!
A Falcon Farewell
Steve FK, after beginning his season with so much promise (for the team, I mean. He couldn't stop accumulating pizza fines), his hammies couldn't handle the rigour of a 38-game season. He will be missed.
Same to be said for Chris, who wasn't even around long enough to do something to earn a nickname.
Junior Jenkins, still the youngest person to ever play in the WMSPL, will not be returning to the team due to work commitments. He played his entire rookie season as a 24-year old, thanks to a late December birthday. It's a record that's unlikely to be broken.
Welcome, Eyasses! (Baby Falcons are called eyasses)
The Falcons drafted two new players:
Steve and Colin will provide much needed support to the outfield, and to the pizza fund (hopefully).
Teets OUT As Coach
After serving the team for SEVEN long years as "coach", which at different times included the duties of actual coaching, writing the line up, writing the defensive alignment, soothing hurt egos, hurting egos, telling it like it is, making harmless threats to quit, etc., Ash will finally be able to simply arrive at the field at least 5 minutes prior to game time, tie his shoes and go out there and compete. It has been noted before, that, if you actually care about performance, putting together the line up is not an easy job and one that shouldn't be overlooked. SLF will take over these duties (especially the 'hurting egos' part), and will NOT be as good as Ash was.
Minor League Affiliation Terminated
As it turns out, cherry picking the best players from one league to form an All-Star team who play out in Podunk is 100% successful in winning championships. Therefore, we at FalconsSloPitch.com will no longer be following the progress of the NSP defending champs. Good luck to them in their title defence, better luck to the Combines.
WMSPL Power Rankings
You've already seen the WMSPL Preseason Power Rankings, and we're going to try to do this weekly. The purpose is to open up the conversation to some friendly trash talk, but I'm sure mostly the comments (if there are any) will focus on how poorly the teams are ranked. No feelings are meant to be hurt, but facts are facts. If Storm starts the season 0-3, they'll be twelfth and deserve it.
Nice To VEEP You!
Since the WMSPL has been keeping an online presence, every team in the league has spent at least one season in the Vice President's divison, except one. The Falcons have not, in the last 14 seasons, finished below 6th in the overall league standings. Until last season. So the Falcons will take the field this season as the early favourite to win the VP Division (odds from DougShortCasino.com forthcoming), and WILL NOT EMBARRASS THEMSELVES. Right?
Season starts May 4!
Dougothy Casino DID in fact release Admirals Regular Season prop bets on May 1.
The only NON-Admirals prop bet currently on the board is WMSPL Falcons win total.
It opened at 25.5 wins, but has already been bet down to 24.5 wins.
Dougothy Casino CEO, #MondayNightDoug #TheNotoriousD.O.U.G. #TheArchitect has indicated that a new Prop bet will be on the board shortly.
"Given that Jeremy SLF is the new Head Coach of the Falcons, we are strongly considering a 'First Coach Fired' prop bet. We see a conflict of interest. A serious one. Trump level conflict.
Jeremy is the best hitter on the team, so he will want to bat himself 3rd or 4th in the order. he is the fastest player on the team so he will want to bat himself lead-off.
Clearly, we anticipate a situation where the rest of the Falcons are angered by the fact that the new coach is placing himself in the 1st, 3rd and 4th spot in the batting order.
We suspect a very toxic environment. Don't be surprised to see SLF having himself play LF, RF, P and SS - all in the same inning.
Have you seen the Twitter tirades from this guy. Yesterday he tweeted a link to a video of Dr. Ho declaring that he personally witnessed SLF bench press 700 lbs, deadlift 1,200 lbs and run 100 meter sprint in 3.5 seconds. It's absurd.
There is already an investigation into allegations of collusion. Some people within WMSPL say they have read a sealed dossier that outlines secret meetings between Jeremy SLF and the Supreme President of STORM. Apparently, in his new role as Head Coach, Jeremy SLF will allow STORM to build the Falcons line-up whenever the two teams meet. This is an exchange for SLF getting to attend STORM WMSPL championship after parties and occasionally being allowed to wear a bright orange Storm jersey.
In other troubling news. Jermey SLF has already fired the Falcons press-secretary, webmaster, beat-writer, bat-boy and beermeister."
Posted by: The Notorious D.O.U.G
Holy shit, 24.5?!??1?
Posted by: SLF
That's FORMER beermeister. You've been replaced by Bill the Beer Baron.
Posted by: J.Paq
Clearly Jeremy SLF and Dougothy Casino have different views on the upcoming Falcons season.
Bizarre that it's the CASINO and not the Falcons NEW head coach that is optimistic about the upcoming Falcons season. Judging by the Power Rankings written by SLF he sees the Falcons as a 17 to 20 win team.
Well, Falcons - your new coach may not believe in you, but #MondayNightDoug #TheArchitect Casino Dougouthy does.
In other news, the "First WMSPL Coach To Be Fired" prop bet is still not on the board. WHY?
Because SLF's recently hired legal advisors have sent out a tweet storm indicating aggressive action (ie. tariffs and sanctions) on Dougothy Casino if SLF is directly named in a Prop Bet.
In even more news, Falcons head coach Jeremy SLF is in hot water after apparently being caught bribing Town of Whitby officials to install a moveable fence in right field. A fence that would be moved in from the already pathetically short 238 ft to 166 ft ONLY when Jeremy SLF is up to bat.
More to the story? Sure! SLF has repeatedly denied attempting to bribe any Town of Whitby officials. Here are some of his quotes
"Whitby? never heard of it."
"Why would I, SLF be in Whitby...ever. Never. Ever. Ever been to Whitby."
"If Whitby is taking bribes from anyone it's scummy people that live in Ajax."
Today, the story flipped with SLF and his legal team confirming that SLF in fact has been to Whitby and did attempt to bribe some town officials.
"Whitby is a fantastic, tremendous town and I look forward to meeting some of it's local people. I hear they are A1, very classy people. Now that I'm coaching...Head Coaching a baseball team in Whitby, I think we are going to make Whitby great again."
Posted by: The Notorious D.O.U.G