The WMSPL has issued a safety warning to all players.
Following the broken leg suffered by SLF's daughter at the mid-season tournament, the WMSPL has warned all players that playground equipment can be dangerous.
This warning comes on the heels of Bowmanville, Ontario's "Newcastle Slo-Pitch League" (League Motto: "Using the internet since 2018!") issuing a similar warning on June 1, 2018. Per the NSP, on May 31, 2018, redneck vandals broke the windows of cars and stole the purses of Men's Division players. In addition, coyotes were spotted playing in right field.
This prompted the league's official partner, Dougothy Casino, to post the following odds on their board, all available for a maximum $5 bet:
Odds of having your car's windows smashed just because you had the nerve to drive your car to a public park to play ball: 1:1. The Casino has advised that they are not taking any bets in favour of vandalism, as it seems to be a sure thing. You may bet against having your car destroyed on a +110,000 money line.
Over/Under: Number of coyotes showing up to eat you and your loved ones: 2 (Note: The Casino will not entertain bets on the under. The Casino has been bankrupted before and will not suffer the same fate again.)
Note: There's some debate on whether the person reporting seeing the coyotes was either
a. So drunk he spotted the same one three times and reported seeing three
b. He was so drunk he spotted the same one twice, but forgot how to count, or
c. He was so drunk he spotted some guy's dog and reported a coyote
The WMSPL would like to remind you that the most dangerous wildlife seen to date at the Kelloryn diamonds is Poutine, and he's only dangerous to the players' moms.