Well, it seems we've made it, relatively unscathed. Despite the world travelling to hell in a SpaceX rocket, we managed to have a safe, fun 2021 WMSPL regular season. All that's left to do is hand out the hardware.

The Falcons' 2021 regular season was, to put it bluntly, disappointing. We only won 9 out of 24 games. That losing percentage is the lowest on record... Which is both good and bad. Bad because we played .409 ball, but good because the records don't go back to when the "Hughes Hawks" were "winning" the Horse's Ass trophy. This is partially due to playing games ONLY against President's Division teams. But we only won 2 against the "last place" Hanet, and didn't have a winning record against any team. At least we split with Broadway and Storm.

Some good news? Yeah, there isn't a ton of it. Million Dollar Bill maintained his consecutive games attended streak, so sometime next season he'll pass Mike Murphy for the team record. This also meant there was always cold beer waiting when we usually slunk back to the parking lot. The other good news? Pizzaco is still in business! And that meant Colin could buy not only some cleats, but some real-ass baseball pants to go with them!

How important is pitching in slo pitch? The 2021 Falcons might be a test case. Thanks to some jackass driver, Ash was mangled in a bicycling accident but will likely make a full recovery. That meant the Falcons' season was going to be pitched by any means necessary. In the beginning, Poutine, Million Dollar Bill, The Mattural and Barry Guerrero Jr took their shots at becoming the next Denny. In the end, Billy was the only one left standing as Target #1. He ended up doing a great job, overcoming the yips here and there, and even achieving the remarkable feat of being lifted in the first inning while pitching a no-hitter!

Dr J, who can still write a recap, also missed the whole season but should return in 2022.

Statistically, well, we won't talk too much about stats. The Falcons, as a team, hit .567, the lowest since the 2017 when they hit .561. That was also the last time the team got relegated to the VP Division. Coincidence? Uh, no.

AWARDS SECTION

Here are your Falcons Regular Season statistical leaders:

ATTENDANCE AWARD: In addition to Million Dollar Billy attending every game all year and bring the refreshments, New Mike was also at every. Single. Game. So if you want a relatively unbiased opinion of how the season went, Mike is an excellent resource.

RUNS SCORED: Grahambo led the team, scoring 44 runs, beating out The Mattural by only 3 runs scored.

1B: For the second season in a row, Million Dollar Bill led the team in singles. 52 this year, leading by a wide margin.

2B: For some reason, the doubles race was the team's most hyped. It wasn't the most exciting race, and it wasn't the closest race, but it was the one that was paid the most attention. In the end, Poutine hit 17 doubles, beating Grahambo by four, and leaving last year's doubles champ, Cowboy, in the dust with only 5.

3B: Hold onto your britches, folks. Without looking, who led the Falcons in three-baggers in 2021? It was a tie, actually. Yes, Cowboy finished on top with the lowest winning total, like, ever, with 4. But right there with him was The Mattural who took advantage of Cowboy's 75% attendance rate to earn a tie in the unofficial "fastest Falcon" contest. If you care, SLF had a big, fat doughnut. He is old, and getting older. Might be time for him to apply for the Mike Murphy Memorial (he's not dead) Permanent Catching Position.

HR: Grahambo hit 12 dingers this season, and if you ask his teammates, 11 of them were solo shots. So therefore after 14 years of calling a bases-empty home run a "Porter", it's now a Duncan. At the request of the namesake himself, we'll keep track of solo-jobs (not THAT kind of solo job, you perv) next year. Not that that will change the name of the deed. It's a Duncan for the next decade at least.

BB: Hard to imagine, but Grahambo actually took some time off from his selfish stroking to actually watch some pitches go by, and led the team in walks as well, with 8.

TOTAL BASES: The Mattural, the Falcons' 2021 best all-around hitter, had 112 total bases to lead the team.

BATTING AVERAGE: In this shortened season, only 60 plate appearances were required to qualify for the rate stats this year. Dunner was only 5 PA short. But short is short, and Grahambo led with a .697 BA.

ON BASE PERCENTAGE: Dunner would have won this one as well if he'd just showed up to the final two games against Hanet on Sunday, but no. Grahambo again. His 8 BB contributed to his .709 OBP.

SLUGGING PERCENTAGE: Grahambo again, slugging 1.342

ON BASE + SLUGGING (OPS): I mentioned above that The Mattural was the Falcons' best all-around hitter, but these rate stats don't seem to show that. Grahambo was the only Falcons with an OPS over 2.000, coming in at 2.051. But Graham didn't hit any triples. Matt did. Best all-around hitter.

RUNS BATTED IN: The downside of Grahambo jacking solo bombs all game is that they only count for one each in the RBI race. This left the gate wide open for The Mattural to win this one, knocking in 56 Falcons this season.



ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE PLAYOFFS
This unicorn of a season brings a unicorn of a playoff tournament. The divisions will be segregated, and two champions will emerge on Sunday afternoon. Will they ACTUALLY play for the right to have their name engraved on the BIG TROPHY? That depends on who's still standing at the end. HOT TAKE PREDICTION: Seb goes out on top.

FALCONS' MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

The vote wasn't that close, and for the second season in a row, Grahambo is your Falcons MVP. At least he didn't vote for himself.



FALCONS' MOST SPORTSMANLIKE PLAYER

Also for the second year in a row (and for the FOURTH TIME overall), Million Dollar Bill is the Falcons' MSP. Enough can't be said for the amount of work Billy puts into keeping his teammates (and indeed the fans, refreshment-wise) happy. As was shown when Barry tried bringing beer that one time, the Falcons will be LOST without Bill.

A nine-man Falcons squad lost the meaningless final game of their regular season on Sunday afternoon 11-7 to Hanet Plastics after playing the game like it was meaningless.

Game Notes: With the playoff seeding having already been pre-determined, this game was played with an eye towards preventing injury. Thankfully, none of the players got injured. Spectators, on the other hand...

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Barry Guerrero Jr.
3B: Goliath, Cowboy
HR: None
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Barry Guerrero Jr (2), Cowboy, Goliath, Pizzaco, The Mattural, Miner Leaguer

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 42

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K2 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 9 humans, 500 wasps (45% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

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Statistical Highlights

A nine-man Falcons squad lost a meaningless penultimate game on Sunday afternoon 11-5 to Hanet Plastics after playing the game like it was meaningless.

Game Notes: With the playoff seeding having already been pre-determined, this game was played with an eye towards preventing injury. Thankfully, none of the players got injured.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: None. None!
3B: None
HR: Barry Guerrero Jr
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: The Mattural (2), Barry Guerrero Jr (2), SLF

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: The Mattural-New Mike-Barry Guerrero Jr

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 42

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K2 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 9 (45% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

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Statistical Highlights

It's the last weekend of the regular season, and much of the seeding going into the playoffs has now been decided. This will be the last power rankings of 2021. Thanks for reading!

#1. THE CREW
(17-5-0 Overall; Vice President's Division Champions)
(Rank last week: 1)

The Crew will go into the playoff tournament like a dog on fire. They've won 10 in a row, leapfrogging a bunch of teams to take the Vice President's Division title. The Power Rankings have a history of predicting the playoff championship game by placing the contestants at #1 and #2 in the final rankings of the year (this streak of correct predictions goes all the way back to 2019. That's LAST decade!) So expect the Crew to be rocking their walk up music come 4:30 on Sunday the 19th in pursuit of their first league championship since 2014.

#2. A'S
(17-4-0 Overall; President's Division Champions)
(Rank last week: 2)

The A's, again, maintain a high spot in the rankings despite having not played this week. Laughing in the face of some league execs who suggested waiting at the field in the middle of whatever that was that hit the region on Wednesday, the A's and Storm rescheduled their relatively meaningless games for this coming Sunday. First, though, they'll have to make up another game previously rained out tonight against Hanet. If the A's can win out, they'll finish with the fewest losses in a season since the 2015 Storm went 36-2.

#3. TRIPLE PLAY
(14-8-0 Overall; 2nd in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 3)

Triple play maintains a hold on the #3 spot on the back of their current 4-game winning streak (let's not mention too loud that the last three have been by default). Kudos to this team for what they've accomplished this season. This is a team who was scraped together from the remnants of three other teams who couldn't continue for the 2021 season. They'd never played together and have managed to win almost two thirds of their games. An admirable feat!

#4. STORM
(13-9-0 Overall; 2nd President's Division)
(Rank last week: 4)

Another team holding their spot simply because they didn't play yet this week. Their current 13-9 record guarantees their ninth-straight winning season.

#5. (TIE) THE BUELLERS
(12-12-0 Overall; Tied for 3rd in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 5)

Ah, the creamy middle of the standings, where remarkably three teams all finished with identical .500 records. The Buellers, however, backed into mediocrity, losing their last three games of the regular season. The playoffs are a different animal, though. Can the return of their #1 draft pick boost their chances of glory?

#5. (TIE) BROADWAY
(12-12-0 Overall; 3rd in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 6)

Not much to say here because Broadway's season ended on the first of September. For those counting, that's almost three weeks to rest up (or RUST up?) for the playoffs.

#5. (TIE) SURGE
(12-12-0; Tied for 3rd in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 7)

Surge is another team who backed into their .500 final record, and will go into the playoffs with an even longer break than Broadway! Surge's final regular season game was in August. I hope they've been practicing.

#8. FALCONS
(9-13-0 Overall; 4th in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 8)

How can a team move up or down without having played? It happens... just not this time.

#9. HANET PLASTICS
(4-17-0 Overall; 5th in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 10)

Hanet will have a busy weekend, with three games on tap. They'll face the A's tonight in a make-up game that was rained out, and will finish their season early Sunday with a doubleheader against the rival Falcons. None of this, of course, will have anything to do with the standings, but it will keep them hot going into the playoffs next weekend. Every team in the league should be afraid of a hot Hanet squad.

#10. COULAS BONE CRUSHERS
(3-21-0 Overall; 5th in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 9)

Coulas, the 2021 WMSPL Horse's Ass trophy winners, lost their last four games of the season.

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There's been a shuffle at the top of the rankings this week, but the bottom will look familiar to anyone who's a loyal reader. The A's (The A'S!) clinched the President's Division this week, from the comfort of their own couches. I'm sure toasts were made, asses scratched. The Crew keeps winning, and running their competitors out of games, but still has yet to lock up the Vice President's Division. In the top division, the playoff seedings are now locked in. All the remaining President's Division games are essentially meaningless. The A's are #1, Storm two, Broadway three, followed by the Falcons and the now plays-three-times-on-Saturday Hanet. Down in VP, it's way less clear cut: Coulas will be the #5 seed, but every other seed is up for grabs. Even Triple Play, the last team (not currently in first place) with a shot at the division title, can finish 4th if they lose the rest of their games.

#1. THE CREW
(15-5-0 Overall; 1st in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 2)

The Crew have won eight in a row and have a magic number of only one to clinch the division, their first division crown since 2014 when they were known as the St. Louis Devils. They also won the playoff tournament that year, defeating who were then perennial playoff runners-up, The Falcons by a score of 29-13, in a game that wasn't as close as the score would indicate. No, I'm not bitter at all, why do you ask?

#2. A'S
(17-4-0 Overall; President's Division Champions)
(Rank last week: 1)

Congratulations to the A's, President's Division Champions for the first time EVER! The A's clinched from the comfort of their own homes on Monday, thanks to the Falcons handing Storm the first of two losses of the day. This is the first division championship of any kind for the A's since 2003, when they won the Vice President's Division when known as Circle Taxi. When contacted for comment, the A's Travis responded, "Can't run on blue. They'll cry about it."

#3. TRIPLE PLAY
(11-8-0 Overall; 2nd in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 5)

Triple Play jumps a couple of spots this week, but it's a reflection of their continued good play. They're 8-3 in their last 11 games (which, I know, is half the season), and they're put themselves in a spot to win the division. They'll need some help to do so, though: with five games to go, they need to win EVERY game. They also need Coulas to sweep The Crew next Wednesday. If Coulas can accomplish that Herculean feat, and Triple Play can win until Sunday the 12th, that'll set up a do-or-not-exactly-die-but-it'll-hurt Sunday doubleheader against The Crew for all the marbles. And by "marbles", I mean $300.

#4. STORM
(13-9-0 Overall; 2nd President's Division)
(Rank last week: 3)

Thanks to a sweep at the hands of the Falcons on Monday that cost them the chance at their sixth straight President's Division crown, Storm drops a spot down to fourth. They'll be the #2 seed going into playoff weekend, so their much-anticipated showdown against the division champion A's on Tuesday is now meaningless.

#5. THE BUELLERS
(12-10-0 Overall; 3rd in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 4)

The Buellers also drop a spot in the rankings after watching their chance a the division title slip away after a 20-16 loss to Surge in the nightcap of their Sunday doubleheader. If they can manage a sweep of Triple Play on Monday, they'll clinch the #2 seed in the VP-side of the playoff tournament.

#6. BROADWAY
(12-12-0 Overall; 3rd in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 6)

Even with a couple weeks left in the season, Broadway's season is done. They finish the season right at the .500 mark, and will enter the playoff tournament well-rested as the #3 seed on a 1-game losing streak. As long as a bunch of weddings don't screw up attendance, they have as good a shot as anyone to walk away on the 19th with the hardware.

#7. SURGE
(12-12-0; 4th in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 7)

Surge's season is also done early, and they also finished at .500 which could earn them a call-up to the President's Division in 2022 (if Triple Play entirely shits the bed in the upcoming). This is the first time Surge has finished without a losing record since 2016.

#8. FALCONS
(9-13-0 Overall; 4th in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 8)

The Falcons, who will be relegated next year, have two meaningless games against Hanet on Sunday before they enter the playoffs as the #4 seed. As Monday's sweep of Storm showed, if the Falcons come to play, they have the talent and potential to be the first repeat playoff tournament winners since Storm in '16 and '17.

#9. COULAS BONE CRUSHERS
(3-18-0 Overall; 5th in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 9)

Coulas has an uphill climb if they want to avoid winning their first-even Horse's Ass trophy as the last place team in the league. They have two against The Crew on Wednesday, who may or may not be trying depending on whether they've already clinched the division, and Triple Play on Friday, who also may or may not be trying for the same reason. The team they're trying to jump, Hanet Plastics, has two meaningless games against the Falcons on Sunday the twelfth, and they have to hope the Falcons win at least one of them.

#10. HANET PLASTICS
(4-17-0 Overall; 5th in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 10)

Hanet, along with the Falcons, will also be relegated next season. But for now, they'll enter the playoffs as the #5 seed, with the arguably toughest schedule: they'll play thrice on Saturday, and will need to win seven games in two days if they want to go home champions.

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For the first time since the 2019 Playoff Tournament, the Falcons have won two games in one day, besting Storm in the nightcap of Monday's doubleheader 32-19. The game ended due to the league's damnable 85-minute time limit.

Riding high after a successful start to the night, the Falcons took the field as the home team in the late game. Poutine walked the lead off hitter, prompting calls for Billy Gun to take over pitching. Those calls were amplified when Duran drove them both home with his third homer of the night (his first that wasn't a Duncan). That's all Storm could muster, though, and they led 2-0 after half an inning. In response, Poutine doubled to lead off, Miner Leaguer singled, and Grahambo brought them all around with a decidedly NON-Duncan three-run blast. The Falcons led 3-2 after one.

Storm was unable to score in the second and third, sending a total of 6 men to the plate. They also held the Falcons to five total runs over those two innings. This would be the last time anything resembling "defence" would be observed for the rest of the night.

In the top of the fourth, Storm scored the first 6 batters and walked off without recording a single out, plating a MAX6 to tie the game at eight. The Falcons responded with two, to re-take a slim lead. One could make a case that scoring a MAX6 without recording an out could be called "pulling a Storm", but maybe that's not something we want to start doing?

Storm, being Storm, would not have that. They began the open innings scoring ANOTHER six runs, highlighted by, you guessed it, a Duran home run. In the bottom half, the Falcons batted around, and then some. Goliath hit a three-run bomb early in the inning, and a parade of singles and doubles eventually ended with the Falcons scoring nine. 19-14 Falcons after five.

Surprising absolutely no one, Storm tied it back up in the top of the sixth. Storm sent 10 to the plate, scoring five of them. Then the wheels fell off for Storm.

It's not that Storm played poorly in the bottom of the sixth, it's just that after 13 innings of ball in less than three hours, and hits that find just the right holes (some of those holes in the football field), a bunch of runs can score. The Mattural led off the inning with a single, and eventually came up again and hit a 3-run dinger to highlight a 13-run sixth that ran the game into the time limit. The Falcons decided not to revert back to the end of the fifth, because let's be real, after what has been a terrible season for the Falcons statistically, we just wanted to see some pleasant numbers in the stat sheet on Tuesday.

Game notes: Both Storm and the Falcons can finish third in the President's Division, but they can't finish tied for third in the division with each other... The Falcons hit fewer homers in game two than in game one... The Falcons will now enjoy almost two weeks off before ending their regular season with two against Hanet.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Dunner (2), Miner Leaguer (2), Cowboy, Goliath, The Mattural, Brett Bichette, Poutine, SLF
3B:
HR: Goliath, Grahambo, The Mattural
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: SLF (5), Grahambo (5), The Mattural (4), Goliath (3), Dunner (3), Barry Guerrero Jr (2), Poutine (2), Brett Bichette (2), Million Dollar Bill (2), Quiet Mike (2), Cowboy, Miner Leaguer

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None


GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 1 (5% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)


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Statistical Highlights

The visiting Falcons rallied late to take the curtain-raiser of Monday's doubleheader versus Storm, 17-12. The loss eliminated Storm from contention for their sixth straight President's Division title.

Things didn't begin well for the Falcons. With Storm waiting patiently in the field to start the game, lead off hitter Poutine sauntered down the hill from his pre-game refreshment blowing a fresh dart and wearing sandals. No one rushes mighty Poutine, who changed his shoes, did... something (?) with the smoke, and CRUSHED a lead off single that almost made it out of the infield. Without his pre-game stretching, Pou hurt himself on the way to first, all of 65 feet away, and the Falcons had to burn a courtesy runner after only one at-bat. After an additional three straight singles, DC's sac fly and an RBI groundout by Brett Bichette, the Falcons had begun the game putting up a three-spot. Storm responded, as Storm always does. After Jeff popped out to first, Duran couldn't find a pitch to line to right-centre so he took a walk. I'd bet taking the BB was maybe the most painful thing to happen to him this year? Probably... like, what are the odds something worse has happened? Anyway, Duran advanced to third on Rene's single and they both later scored to bring Storm to within one after the first.

Barry Guerrero Jr led off the top of the second with an apparently controversially named "Duncan". Selfish, selfish Barry. Interviewed post-game, Barry recalled, "Oops." After a couple more hits, Dunner showed the REAL way to crush an un-selfish dinger, popping a three-run blast into the approaching night. Storm was able to respond with a singleton in the bottom half, and after two, the Falcons led 7-3.

Two more for the visitors in the third, and a delicious doughnut in the fourth put their total at 9 after four innings. Storm put up three in the third and was also unable to score in the fourth. Blue led Orange 9-6 after four.

The Falcons offence continued to sputter in the fifth and sixth, producing two total runs and another goddamn doughnut in the sixth. Duran's second Duncan of the game "highlighted" a three run fifth for Storm, but they too heard the crickets of silent bats in the sixth. Falcons 11, Storm 9 after six.

In the seventh, the Falcon O finally arrived. Poutine scored Dunner with a long two-run grunt to right, and four batters later Goliath launched a three-run blast of his own. The Falcons would score 6, but take the field for the bottom of the seventh well aware of what Storm's offence can do.

Duran led off the bottom of the seventh barely missing his third Duncan of the game for the first out. A Rene two-bagger was followed by Joey popping out to right. Craig showed his teammates how it's done launching a three-run bomb to bring Storm within five. Al "al"-most kept the train moving, but for a spectacular game-ending catch by Miner Leaguer in right-centre.

Game notes: Pizzaco: Still open for lunch?... Poutine: reluctant lead off hitter?... The loss was Storm's eighth of the season. The A's, sitting atop the President's Division at 17-4 with only three games to play, can not match that total and have, FINALLY, clinched a President's Division title for former President Doom and the rest of the A's... The Mattural was a dinger short of hitting for the cycle.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Grahambo, Dunner, The Mattural, Brett Bichette, Poutine
3B: The Mattural
HR: Goliath, Dunner, Poutine, Barry Guerrero Jr
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Goliath (6), The Mattural (3), Dunner (3), Poutine (2), Barry Guerrero Jr, Brett Bichette, Grahambo

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None


GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 5 (25% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)


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Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights