The year began with what turned out to be a very successful draft night for Falcons GM Shohei. Handsome Jer and the Taxman made meaningful contributions to a Falcons squad that improved over their 2023 performance in many ways.

Finishing 23-13-2 was a one win improvement over last year, but an added tie rather than a loss moved our 2024 winning percentage over .600 which is more than I can say for Poutine's batting average. The retirement press conference backdrop awaits Poutine's pondering.

The high points: TWICE this season, the Falcons put together 6-game winning streaks, awarding them a free trip to the cooler after the sixth consecutive win. After an opening day loss to Broadway, a thorn in the Falcons' side all season, they put up seven straight wins to briefly be in first place in the President's Division. An 8-2-1 start to the season looked promising. To cap off the season, we bested the opening winning streak by ripping off eight in a row, winning every game we played in August. We finished off the season going 9-2-1.

The lows: There aren't as many low points as in some recent seasons. We only had 6+ signouts for 8 games this season, down from 19 last year. There was a 3-game losing streak in the middle, and three times we lost two consecutive games. Two of our players got ejected on separate occasions, and both times for spitting straight facts: the ump is always right, and the ball landed RIGHT THERE. Also: Ash's leg. OMG.

We set some team records this season, and not all of them were bad! A 39-run outburst in August versus the Expos set a team record for runs in a game, which again, wouldn't have been possible without the gracious Expos allowing the last inning to count despite running into the time limit. Cowboy beat his old Falcons record, hitting 17 triples (up from 15 last year), and widening the gap between him as the all-time Falcons leader, and second place. Shohei, living up to his nickname, likely pitched a majority of the innings this year (?), and on the offensive side set a team record with 77 singles, overtaking Junior Tennant's 2012 output. In a sentence you never thought you'd read, Beatty hit as many triples as Handsome Jer. The Falcons also, as a team, put up 689 runs, our best output since we won the President's Division in 2014 scoring a then-league-record 727. (Remembering some teams from that season: Xtreme Contracting, Direct Elevator, St. Louis Devils, Bradley Motors Shifters, Mayhem, Rebels... what even is this league anymore?)

All of this ends with the Falcons finishing in fifth place in the President's Division, and fifth overall in the league. No teams will move up or down in divisions for 2025, so we'll be back at this again next year.

The fifth place finish means playing on Friday of the playoff tournament this weekend, and frankly a 7:30 Friday game followed by noon Saturday beats "earning" a bye Friday night and having to play at 9am Saturday morning.

AWARDS SECTION

Here are your Falcons Regular Season statistical leaders:

ATTENDANCE AWARD: For the second year in a row, Cowboy was the main-stayest of mainstays on the squad, playing in all 37 games we played this year. He's now attended 60 straight regular season games, plus four playoff games last year. That's 64 straight, only 126 behind Iron Billy. I guess we know who will be taking over the cooler duties when Bill decides it's time.

On a side note here, guess who attended the LEAST amount of games this year? Before you say Miner Leaguer, understandable since he works literally 3 time zones away, take a boo at the stat sheet: Grahambo, who SAYS he likes us, was here less than half the time.

RUNS SCORED: Cowboy improved over last year slightly, scoring 83 runs from the leadoff position.

1B: As previously noted, Shohei made sweet love to first base this season, stopping off for a quickie 77 times, a team record.

2B: In a very close race, Barry Guerrero Jr topped the list of two-baggers at 24, edging out Cowboy.

3B: Cowboy, again. He hit more than twice as many triples as the next highest, putting up 17 to put his career total at 65.

HR: Beatty led the team in dingers, but only hit 13. I think it says a lot about the team that we put up so many runs but didn't have to rely on the long ball.

BB: No surprise here, but Barry Guerrero Jr took the most walks, as he tends to do in every season. Fourteen times his patience paid off. One time it didn't, and pointing didn't help.

TOTAL BASES: Cowboy in a runaway here. His 160 total bases were 25% more than second place.

BATTING AVERAGE: For the first time in a while, nearly everyone achieved the 77 PA needed to qualify for the rate stats. Unfortunately for Grahambo, he's the only one who didn't, so his .765 BA doesn't count to lead the team. Barry Guerrero Jr's .758 (at 60 years old!) wins.

ON BASE PERCENTAGE: Barry didn't need Graham's absenteeism to win here. He was on 77.4% of the time.

SLUGGING PERCENTAGE: Barry again! He led the way with 1.232

ON BASE + SLUGGING (OPS): If you've been paying attention, Barry won't surprise you here. But being the only Falcon with an OPS over 2.000 (2.006) at 60 years old might surprise you... if you don't know Barry.

RUNS BATTED IN: Batting cleanup has it's privileges. Beatty cashed a very nice 69 ducks this year.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE PLAYOFFS

If you were to go by the standings only, every year Storm would walk through the playoffs. That clearly doesn't happen. Last year the fourth-place Crew walked away with the hardware. In fact, throwing out the COVID-shortened 2021 season, the last time the team that finished first in the President's Division won the playoff tournament was 2017. One of the best things about a tournament to determine the champion, rather than a series of series, is that anything can happen to derail a team's season so quickly, or rescue victory from the jaws of defeat. It's anyone's weekend. Can the Falcons overcome a winless season vs Broadway? Will they even have to? Does Storm walk right through? Can Duran keep the ball in the park from the leadoff spot? Will Todd wear a shirt for more than a couple hours each day? (no)

Come out and watch. And if you're eliminated, stay and watch. It's all really good ball. A fun party in the park all weekend, and the weather is supposed to be great.

See you all on the other side.

FALCONS' MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

In the tightest vote in recent memory, Cowboy came out on top as the Falcons' 2024 Most Valuable Player, and it's not hard to see why.

FALCONS' MOST SPORTSMANLIKE PLAYER

Being the beer guy has it's perks, and Bill deserves all of them. Keeping this team refreshed is a hard and sometimes thankless job. Also, Bill didn't get ejected from any games this season.

Congratulations to both our award winners, and good luck at the banquet!

Tuesday 8:00PM September 10th, 2024

The Falcons finished off the 2024 regular season with a 30-7 win over Surge on Tuesday night.

GAME NOTES: Bring on the playoffs!!... Shout out to Hanet for taking care of business, we know you know we see you.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Beatty (2), Grahambo, Dunner, Miner Leaguer, Poutine, Handsome Jer, SLF, Barry Guerrero Jr
3B: Beatty!
HR: Beatty
HR OUTS: None
RBI: Grahambo (6)(!), Beatty (5), Poutine (4), Handsome Jer (3), Cowboy (2), Dunner (2), Miner Leaguer (2), Million Dollar Bill (2), SLF (2), Barry Guerrero Jr, Dr J

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 34

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 1 (5% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights

Sunday 5:00PM September 8th, 2024

The Falcons' offence showed up in the sixth inning, but it was too little, too late as they dropped a heart breaker to the Isotopes on Sunday afternoon by a score of 13-12.

The game began looking like it was going to be a defensive clinic by both teams. The Isotopes put up two in the top of the first, and the Falcons responded with one of their own. Handsome Jer was scored when Beatty hit his second triple of the season. That ties him with Miner Leaguer and Goliath on the team. For those keeping track, here's a list of players with fewer triples than Beatty this year:

Grahambo
Dunner
Million Dollar Bill
Dr J
Shohei
Taxman
Teets

That's almost half the team. Good thing Dougothy casino is already bankrupt, because he'd have lost his shirt (again) on that one.

It's too bad Royal Falcons Alums "The Legend" Jerry Tone and Junior "Senior Sevens" Tennant arrived after the first inning because it would be a long time before anything good happened offensively for the home side again.

The teams traded delicious doughnuts (no Liz, still no real doughnuts) in the second. The Isotopes bats, despite not really barrelling the ball very much, put up four in the third, another in the fourth and two in the fifth to take a 9-1 lead going into the sixth. They were unable to add before the Falcons offence finally arrived.

In the bottom of the sixth, Chaos created by the bottom of the order (read: two singles by SLF and Miner Leaguer) were cashed by doubles by Cowboy and Dr J. After Handsome Jer nearly lost his entire shit lining out to third, singles by Beatty and Goliath were cashed by a two-run single by Dunner and the Falcons were back in it.

Down two going into the seventh, the Falcons D needed a hold. Allowing the Isotopes to score four is the opposite of that.

Nevertheless, the Falcons were ready to walk this sucker off, and began the bottom of the seventh with four straight singles and a Cowboy triple. He was scored by Dr J's third RBI of the game and set the table for the celebration: Cowboy ran for Dr J. After Handsome Jer hit into a fielder's choice, he moved to third on Beatty's single. With Miner Leaguer running for Beatty and Goliath at the plate with the tying run on third, it all looked good.

Then Goliath hit into a double play for the first time on record.

At least there was pizza afterwards.

Game Notes: Here's where league seeding stands, with six games left in the WMSPL regular season, and four unreported scores from last night:

STORM: Storm clinches the 1 seed with a win in either game (home to Greenthumb, at The Expos) tonight. Should they lose both, they fall into a tie in the standings with The Crew, who own the tie breaker.

THE CREW: Will finish in second place overall at worst. As noted above, they can jump into first if Storm shits the bed tonight.

TRIPLE PLAY: Currently holding the 3-seed, with no more games. They should really plan to come out tomorrow and cheer hard for Hanet in their game against Broadway.

BROADWAY: Broadway can finish no lower than fourth, but can move up to third. They need to win tomorrow against Hanet, and not allow more than 10 runs doing it. Broadway and Triple Play tied their season series 2-2 (which is the second tie breaker, after most wins in the standings). After that, it's fewest runs allowed overall, and Broadway is currently ahead there, 523-533. Should Broadway win, and allow exactly 10 runs to Hanet, they'll need to only win by a run since the next tie breaker is overall run differential, and Broadway's already ahead there.

FALCONS: The Falcons are uncomfortably in the five spot. They need to win tomorrow to have any shot to hold it.

ISOTOPES: The Isotopes are in sixth, but can move up to fifth if they win out and the Falcons lose tomorrow. Like Storm, they have a doubleheader against Greenthumb and the Expos tonight.

SURGE: Surge, the VP Division champions, can not move any higher than seventh overall. With one game to go and two unreported scored, the best they can do is 19 wins. Next year's divisions will be identical to this year's, with no one moving up or down.

THE EXPOS: The lovable Expos are in eighth, and can't move from there. Their playoff pool is still in flux based on the 3 & 5 seeds noted above.

HANET PLASTICS: With one game to go that may have a ton of fans there cheering them on, Hanet is currently in ninth. They also have two unreported scores from last night... if they lost both, and lose tomorrow, they could be overtaken by the A's...

THE A'S: ... that is, if they won last night, as their score is currently unreported. Sigh.

COULAS BONE CRUSHERS: Coulas' regular season is over, but neither of last night's scores are in the system. They could go as high as the nine-seed if they won them both and Hanet and the A's lose out.

GREENTHUMB: Greenthumb has two to go, against Storm and The Isotopes tonight. They need to win them both and get some help to climb out of "winning" the Horse's Ass award.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Cowboy, Dr J
3B: Beatty, Cowboy
HR: None
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Dr J (3), Cowboy (3), Dunner (2), Beatty, Goliath, Miner Leaguer, SLF

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 38

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 4 (20% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights

Thursday 9:30PM September 5th, 2024

Exhausted from a draining win over Storm, the Falcons couldn't keep the winning streak going and dropped the nightcap of the Thursday double header 20-8 to Broadway. The win secured a season sweep of the Falcons for Broadway.

Nothing happened in this game worth mentioning. The Falcons managed only two extra-base hits, and that's no way to win.

Injury Report:

Teets: Swollen leg, did not attend. Out indefinitely. (UPDATE: HOLY SHIT)

Dunner and Grahambo: Out for football-related "injuries" probably. Will play Sunday, despite the game beginning in the middle of the late block of games.

Cowboy: Sore hammy. The gun did nothing. Day-to-day.

Million Dollar Bill: Showed no ill-effects from the liner in the Storm game. Will inspect for swelling Friday. Probable for Sunday.

Miner Leaguer: Bruised ego. After hitting the inside the park homer in game one, was moved up to the lead off spot for game two because of Cowboy's aforementioned hamstring. Went 0-for-4. Will play Sunday.

Shohei: Legs? Always something with the legs. Hadn't pulled out the gun on the bench for a while but I guess was jealous that Cowboy was using it? Probable for Sunday.

SLF: Tweaked groin getting out of the car at home after the games. Sad. Pathetic. Old. Probable for Sunday.

Game Notes: With two to go, the Falcons seem locked into the 5-seed for the playoff tournament.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Poutine, Dr J
3B: None
HR: None
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Shohei (2), Beatty (2), Taxman, Million Dollar Bill, Poutine, Dr J

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: LOL

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 46

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 1 (5% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights

Thursday 8:00PM September 5th, 2024

The Falcons clinched a season series win over Storm with a 16-12 victory on a rare Thursday double header opener.

It didn't look good for the Falcons early. After holding Storm to a measly single run in the top of the first, the home side managed to tie it up when Beatty knocked in Cowboy's lead off single. Storm poured it on in the second, scoring four, mostly thanks to Joey's 3-run triple. The Falcons were unable to respond, going four-up, three-down in the bottom half. After two, Storm led 5-1.

No better news in the third. Storm tacked on a couple more runs, though not without this curious pizza fine assessed by Homie to Brad for stranding a runner on third with less than two out. The Falcons were unable to respond, again, posting a delicious doughnut. A Duran double to lead off the fourth scored two batters later, and after four and a half innings, Storm led 8-1.

And so here's where it gets better: Dusting off an oldie but a goodie, Miner Leaguer provided the TSN turning point when, with the Taxman on, he burned the nameless right-centrefielder on a hard liner. Taxman scored, and Leaguer decided to try to go all the way. The relay from Joey was on line, but short (showing that the 50 year old, despite hitting two triples in this game, is clearly washed up and should pass the baton to the curiously absent Sam and simply retire), and Miner Leaguer's doesn't-count-in-the-league-tally inside the park home run capped off a four run fifth to bring the home side to within three.

Storm, befuddled, put up a doughnut in the top of the fifth.

Smelling blood, the Falcons attacked. In a bat-around inning highlighted by Barry Guerrero Jr's three-run double, the Falcons knocked eight singles and three doubles to put up a niner to burst to a 14-8 lead after five.

Undaunted, Storm did what Storm does. With the top of their order up, they put up four runs on five hits, most of them coming on Lance's three-run squeaker over the left field fence. With the lead down to two, the Falcons pounded three doubles in the bottom of the sixth to push across two comforting insurance runs.

The top of Storm's order was unable to respond in the top of the seventh, and the Falcons soared to victory.

Game Notes: Cowboy did a thing to a hammy, and was gimpy... Million Dollar Bill took a liner off the thumb, but stayed in the game... Miner Leaguer was a triple short of the cycle... Satisfied with seeing the Taxman hit three doubles, all his fans left after game one, a move that would prove later to be a really good idea.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Taxman (3), Miner Leaguer, Poutine, SLF, Barry Guerrero Jr
3B: None
HR: Miner Leaguer, an inside-the-park job
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Shohei (3), Miner Leaguer (3), Taxman (3), Barry Guerrero Jr (3), SLF (2), Beatty, Million Dollar Bill

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 43

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K2 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 2 (35% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights

Wednesday 8:00PM September 4th, 2024

The Taxman's grand slam with everyone and their family watching in the bottom of the sixth highlighted a 17-run inning as the Falcons won their seventh straight game 39-17 over the classy Expos on Wednesday evening.

Stepping up to the plate for the second time in the sixth inning, Taxman surveyed the bags and found them juiced. Juicy bags (and later, spicy salty nuts) get the Taxman's heart going, and I'm not even talking about hypertension caused by the nuts. Rocking a new jersey, designed and made by soon to be chief uniform designer Future Tax Wife (?😬), and with a full 2/3 of the fans in attendance there just to see him play, Taxman pointed his fingers in the right direction and blasted a four-run home run that should have counted for five. The rest of the sixth inning isn't worth discussing.

Despite the big inning, the highlight for the Falcons was the $45 in pizza fines assessed before, and over the course of the game.

Poutine, clearly reading the room correctly for the first time ever, apologized for saying he would indeed play in this game:



Then he ghosted us. That's $15 for not signing out and not showing up.

A Shohei FK, multiple runners stranded on third with less than two out and Teets grounding into a double play finished off the tasty, tasty fines.

The Expos, a treat to play regardless of the score, agreed that their sixth inning home runs were motivation enough to include the results of the inning despite running into the time limit. They're good peeps.

With the victory, the Falcons keep pace with Broadway for fourth place overall, at least on the standings page. Broadway will hold the tie breaker having already won the first three games of the head to head this season with only one to go. The Falcons can finish as high as third, though that seems unlikely, and as low as sixth -- which, honestly, would you be surprised? -- in the standings for the playoffs depending on how the last few games play out. What's more favourable? As has been written in this space before, a top-seed Friday night bye is a questionable benefit. Would you rather play 7:30 Friday, or 9:00 Saturday morning?

GAME NOTES: The Falcons scored in every inning... 13 after 2 in the sixth, for those wondering... Where did Homie get this pen?... Cricut jerseys for all, if this is going to be the result... The Falcons gave up six home runs... Barry Guerrero Jr was a single short of the cycle... There's a note on the scorecard here that reads "Cat-like Ash", a commentary on his reflexes to nab a foul tip in the second inning, and not because he licks himself clean... 21 is indeed Dr J's number.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Goliath (2), Cowboy, Dunner, Teets, Barry Guerrero Jr
3B: Barry Guerrero Jr (2), SLF
HR: Grandpa Beatty, Grahambo (a Duncan, SMH), the aforementioned Taxman's granny, Barry Guerrero Jr, who the Expos think doesn't look like a power hitter
HR OUTS: None
RBI: Beatty (5), Grahambo (5), SLF (5), Barry Guerrero Jr (5), Dr J (4), Taxman (5), Shohei (3, even with all those fines), Dunner (2), Cowboy (2), Goliath (2), Million Dollar Bill (1, LOL)

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: Dr J-Grahambo-Barry Guerrero Jr

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 36

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 3 (15% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights

Monday 8:00PM August 26th, 2024

The Falcons avenged an earlier loss, Barry didn't get ejected, and there was free beer flowing post-game after a 17-12 win over Surge on Monday night.

The suddenly-getting-hot-at-the-right-time Falcons have now won six straight. Since the league standings have a column for "Last 6", an outdated indicator of recent success (or failure!) over the course of a sixth of a season (now moot because the season is and should forever remain 38 games), the Falcons celebrate a MAX6 on the big board with no-charge bevvies after the game. Even if the sixth win comes in game one of a doubleheader, and they get smoked in game two. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Falcons won. For the sixth time. In a row. Free beer!

Crawling out of a symposium-induced fog that affected enough of the team that the Falcons needed to beg Surge for a catcher (and kudos to Surge for having their catcher play the ball. That rule is dumb), nine Falcons took the field and allowed Surge to put up three in the top of the first inning. Riding another streak, the Falcons tried their best to put up their tenth MAX6 in a row.

They didn't.

The first four Falcons to bat scored, but the wind was knocked out of the sails immediately after that. After one, Falcons up 4-3.

The second inning saw Dunner flashing the leather at short, since the team's now surplus of competent shortstops didn't bother coming out. After Shohei allowed a lead off single, Dunner made the next two plays, flipping to two for consecutive fielder's choices. After Surge turned the line up over, a fly out to right-centre ended the top half with Surge posting a delicious doughnut. In the bottom half, the top of the order once again scored Cowboy and Dr J... eventually. With Cowboy standing on third and only one out, SLF, batting third again for some reason, dribbled one to the pitcher for a $5 SR3B. Fortunately, an actual clutch hitter was right behind, and Barry Guerrero Jr (playing right field, could you imagine Vladdy out there?) smacked a two-run double.

Surge answered with authority in the top of the third inning, scoring four thanks to a double and five singles. Down one going into the bottom half, the bottom of the Falcons order answered back scoring three runs to re-take the lead. After three complete, Falcons up 9-7.

A great big, hard D from the Falcons secured doughnuts for Surge in the next two trips to the plate, though there was no big O from the home side to take advantage. A doughnut in the fourth, and six singles in the fifth put up a three-spot to put the Falcons up 12-7 After five.

Surge surged (LOL) in the sixth to tie it up, scoring five. Fives in the sixth, you say? The Falcons can oblige. Teets, playing first tonight, led off with a single, followed by Cowboy and Dr J with singles of their own. SLF did sweet dick-all for the fourth straight at bat, and Barry Guerrero Jr and Dunner followed with back-to-back two-baggers. After a Shohei walk, the Taxman's double scored Dunner for the fifth run of the inning.

Going into the top of the seventh with a 17-12 lead, the Falcons dispatched the bottom of Surge's line up to hang on to the win.

GAME NOTES: This is the second six-game winning streak for the Falcons this season... Dunner did an "Admirable" (LOL) job at short, as did Barry in right and Ash at first, all of them playing those positions for the first time this season, probably. I'm not going to check if that's true, so just assume it is... Another shout-out to Surge for having the catchers we needed to borrow actually play the ball, like, you know, ballplayers... Did we mention there was the free beer after the game?

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Barry Guerrero Jr (2), Cowboy, Dunner, Taxman, Dr J
3B: None
HR: None
HR OUTS:
RBI: Barry Guerrero Jr (6), Dunner (3), Cowboy (2), Million Dollar Bill (2), Shohei, Taxman, SLF, Teets

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 44

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 1 (5% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights