Wednesday 9:30PM May 31st, 2023

The Falcons narrowly escaped the torture of long-term insufferability from SLF when his potential second home run of the fifth inning fell just short in a 27-17 win over Surge on Wednesday night.

There have been long recaps written in this space. This one, for example. But that, friends, even at 1,569 words, would have been a mere tweet in the history of the website compared to the recap you'd be reading if that goddamn ball had traveled another 4 feet. The list of truly insufferable Falcons is remarkably short, for a team that's existed for over 40 years. But no matter who you have as your current #1 MIFAT (Most Insufferable Falcon of All Time), they'd be but a memory if only, you know. But I digress... and will again.

The visiting Falcons, with a 9-man bench, opened the game with a MAX 6 in the top of the first inning. The first 6 batters of the inning scored. Surge answered, scoring three of their own, and followed with a defensive clinic, setting down the Falcons scoreless in the top of two. Chuffed, Surge MAX6'd out in the bottom half of the inning to go up 9-6 after two.

Undaunted, the Falcons answered in the third, sending all 9 batters to the plate and posting a MAX6. Back in the field, a tidy 1-2-3 inning left the Falcons in the lead after 3, 12-9. They would not relinquish this lead.

In the fourth, all 9 Falcons would bat again, resulting in another MAX6. The visiting defence held again in the bottom of the fourth, allowing only 2 baserunners and zero runs scored.

The fifth inning, where both teams seemed to agree that there's no defence in slo pitch, was a game unto itself. In total, 16 runs were scored and between the two teams Mrs SLF counted five fielding errors. For the visiting side, Teets drew a walk to lead off the inning, and was moved to third on Poutine's "double". That set the table for the what could have been the first half of the next book you're going to read. SLF cleared the table with his ninth career home run, an inside-the-park job. Dr J followed with a single, and we won't bring up Million Dollar Bill's night at the plate. A hit, a fielder's choice and three doubles brought up SLF for the second time in the inning. With two out and eight ducks already cashed in the inning, SLF unleashed a mighty (ha) wallop that elicited a few gasps. Friends, it was majestic. Long. High...

Playable.

It ended up in the right-centre fielder's glove for the third out on the warning track, because of course it did. And it's for the best because honestly you'd never hear the end of it if it went over. I'd end up hating myself for what I'd put you all through. So my loss is your gain. So I digress yet again (breaking the fourth wall while I'm at it!). Anyway...

Surge clearly drew inspiration from that offensive output, because they came up swinging in the bottom of the fifth. Steve walked to begin, and after Justin's flyout, went single, double, single, single, fielder's choice, double, double, TRIPLE, single before Steve lined out to end the inning, but not before Surge put up a snow-man of their own.

The sixth inning was relatively quiet, and when 16 runs are scored in the fifth inning, there's no time for the seventh.

Game Notes: FOUR FEET... Teets was only a homer short of hitting for the cycle... SLF's ninth career homer broke a tie with Cowboy, and brought him to within one of Million Dollar Bill on the all time list... Teets' first inning triple was his first since 2019... Perfect nights at the plate were enjoyed by Dr J and Barry Guerrero Jr... This was the first win by the Falcons without hitting a ball over the fence since Sunday.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Dunner (3), Poutine (3), Barry Guerrero Jr (2), Cowboy, Teets, Dr J
3B: Teets, Barry Guerrero Jr, Grahambo
HR: SLF
HR OUTS: None
RBI: Dunner (6)(!), Grahambo (5), Barry Guerrero Jr (4), SLF (3), Million Dollar Bill (2), Poutine (2), Dr J (2), Teets (2), Cowboy

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: Grahambo-Barry Guerrero Jr-Million Dollar Bill

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 37

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 1 (5% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)


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Statistical Highlights

Sunday 9:30PM May 28th, 2023

Riding high after a hard-fought victory over The Crew in the early game, the Falcons started strong and finished weak in a 22-11 loss to Storm in the night capper.

Not yet too fatigued from no rest in the first game, the Falcons jumped to an early 6-0 lead plating 3 in each of the first two innings and holding Storm to a delicious doughnut in the bottom of the first. Storm scratched 3 across in the bottom of two, and that’s pretty much where the wheels fell off for the Falcons. A doughnut in the top of three was followed by Storm MAX6-ing the next two at-bats and following with a 5-spot. After five, it was 20-8 and didn’t get any better. The final score may have been a bit closer were it not for the three SR3B fines recorded in this game.

Game notes:Dunner’s 3-run dinger was the lone highlight for the game, though Miner Leaguer’s effort in the seventh to manufacture a run all by himself was entertaining. He forced a double on a sure single, and tagged to third on a short fly ball to left. Sadly, he was stranded there… Per Homie: ERRORS: 2… Don’t ask me about the recap title. It’s the result of some odd game of broken telephone.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Beatty, SLF, Miner Leaguer
3B: None
HR: Dunner
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Dunner (5)(!), Teets (2), Barry Guerrero Jr (2), Cowboy, Million Dollar Bill

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None
PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 39

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K2 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 1 (5% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)


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Statistical Highlights

Sunday 8:00PM May 28th, 2023

It took a month, but the baseball weather finally arrived and the Falcons welcomed it with a come-from-behind 14-12 victory over The Crew to open Sunday’s doubleheader.

The Falcons started quickly in the top of the first, with the first four hitters singling (not sure if that’s a word, better check with ChatGPT) and three of them being driven in. The bench was empty for the Falcons when they took the field in the bottom half, a familiar sight to those who have actually shown up to play this year. With the prospect of no innings off for the twin-bill, the Falcons gave up four runs and their early lead. After one, The Crew led 4-3.

A goose egg for the visitor in the top of the second allowed The Crew to extend their lead with a MAX6 to go up 10-3 after two.

Unfortunately for The Crew, that was peak offence for them in the first game. Perhaps the lack of walk-up music has affected their mojo? It’s impossible to tell. They’d only plate two more runs the rest of the game, helped in no small part by a couple HR-OUTS due to the lack of Falcons fire-power.

Meanwhile, the Falcons chipped away. Four singles in the third plated three. In the fourth, the Falcons tied it up with 3 singles and 3 doubles to score 5 and knot the score at elevens. The visitors would take the lead for good in the fifth, when SLF led off with a single and Dr J patiently worked a walk. That turned the line up over for Cowboy who cashed them both with a triple, his fifth of the young season. Cowboy scored right away on Barry Guerrero Jr’s RBI groundout. After five, the Falcons led 14-11.

The teams exchanged delicious doughnuts in the sixth, and the Falcons went quietly in the seventh, three up, three down. In the do-or-die seventh for The Crew, three singles and a fielder’s choice scored one, but the come back came up short.

Game notes: How long has it been since the Falcons won without hitting a home run? You’d have to go all the way back to… Literally two weeks ago in the Falcons’ 14-9 win over the Buellers... Homie returned to keep score, and counted FIVE Falcons fielding errors. There appears to be evidence of who committed the errors on the scorecard, but they were erased and replaced with a sad recap: ERRORS: 5… Cowboy was only a homer short of hitting for the cycle.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Flash, Beatty, Cowboy
3B: Cowboy
HR: None
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Teets (3), Flash (2), Cowboy (2), Dunner (2), Miner Leaguer (2), Barry Guerrero Jr (2), Million Dollar Bill

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: None

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 42

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 1 (5% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

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Statistical Highlights

Wednesday 8:00PM May 24th, 2023

The Falcons beat writer has an exceptionally busy work day, so last night's summary is provided by ChatGPT. Welcome to the future!

In an exhilarating softball game between the Falcons and the Coulas Bone Crushers, the Falcons emerged triumphant with a resounding 27-13 victory. The match, held at a local sports field, drew a large crowd of passionate fans who were treated to a thrilling display of skill and determination from both teams.

The game began with Coulas taking an early lead, capitalizing on their strong batting and aggressive base running. Their offense was firing on all cylinders, scoring runs and putting pressure on the Falcons' defense. However, the Falcons remained composed and resilient, refusing to let the early setback deter them.

As the game progressed, the Falcons gradually regained their footing and turned the tide in their favor. Their batting lineup showcased exceptional power and precision, consistently finding gaps in the Bone Crushers' defense and delivering timely hits. The Falcons' pitchers also tightened up their performance, stifling the Bone Crushers' scoring opportunities and displaying excellent control on the mound.

In a stunning comeback, the Falcons steadily piled on the runs, erasing the Coulas lead and surging ahead. Their teamwork and determination were evident as they executed strategic plays and capitalized on the Bone Crushers' defensive lapses.

As the final innings approached, the Falcons' dominance became apparent, and their lead continued to grow. Despite a valiant effort from Coulas, the Falcons proved to be too strong, ultimately securing a well-deserved victory.

The game showcased the Falcons' resilience, adaptability, and ability to perform under pressure (Editors note: as our wives would attest, not sure if this is true). It also highlighted the unpredictable nature of sports, as the Bone Crushers' early lead was ultimately eclipsed by the Falcons' comeback. Both teams demonstrated admirable sportsmanship throughout the match, and the Falcons celebrated their hard-fought win, while Coulas vowed to learn from the defeat and come back stronger in future games.

Game Notes: Ok I'm back. ChatGPT is like a high school kid coming up with 50 words but having to fill a 200 word page... Miner Leaguer made his season debut without skipping a beat, logging two hits and 3 RBIs... Cowboy continues his chase towards obliterating the Falcons record of 11 triples, and is on pace for (*checks how many games are in a season*) 38... For a guy who claimed to be coming into WMSPL rusty, Shelley has absolutely killed it on the field, batting a perfect 1.000 and making a number of plays in RF... Flash and Dr J also had flawless nights at the plate... Barry Guerrero Jr = Vladdy Guerrero Jr's statline from the Jays 20-1 win: 3 hits, 1HR, 6 RBI... beat writer's kid says hello to the "Missing: SLF" photo on the milk carton she uses for her cereal every morning. Also, her first words were "Why did he vote for a 38 game season?"... and no, Goliath has not earned any of the same grief as he's on his way to a Nobel Peace Prize making sure the whole world has access to pancakes and sandwiches.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Grahambo (2), Miner Leaguer
3B: Cowboy (2)
HR: Barry Guerrero Jr
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Barry Guerrero Jr (6!), Cowboy (3), Miner Leaguer (3), Teets (3), Flash (2), Shelley (2), Grahambo (2), Dunner (2), PizzaCo (2), Million Dollar Bill, Dr J

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: Barry Guerrero Jr-Grahambo-Barry Guerrero Jr

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: ?

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 0 (0% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)

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Statistical Highlights

Monday 9:30PM May 15th, 2023

On a chilly Monday night, an audience of zero fans watched (missed out on?) a short Falcons squad win vs a shorter Buellers unit, 14-9.

Hours before, the Falcons played their usual game of musical chairs. SLF teased an appearance before ghosting us, Grahambo's $159 settlement lawyer negotiated his return to the team and Poutine chartered a private jet home in time to let new guy Shelley be the 6th sign out of the night.

In a standard friendly Buellers affair, the teams traded runs in the first: an oppo-bomb by the new (and very good) Buellers SS was answered with an RBI single by Pou and a Teets double, scoring two and tying the game at 3-3.

The teams then traded donut for donut in the 2nd before the home team finally got going midway through the game: singles, doubles and a mandatory Cowboy triple in a bat-around 4th inning plated a MAX6 and staked the Falcons to an 11-4 lead.

The Buellers made it close with 5 runs in the 6th, but the Falcons added some late insurance and shut the door in the 7th to win and get back to .500 on the year.

Game notes: Million Dollar Bill led the offense with 4 RBIs and was a HR short of the cycle... The Buellers were on the verge of blowing this game open, but a 6-4-3 double play got the Falcons out of a 1st inning bases loaded jam and, with the bases loaded again in the 7th, Pou snagged a liner to LF to end the game... Chatter chatter = win... Barry Guerrero Jr, inspired by the return of all the in-game chatter, provided his own stream-of-consciousness commentary during a highlight-reel grab in RCF... If there's any $$ to buy equipment, maybe we get protective gear for whoever's standing on 3B while Beatty is batting... The ump suggested a protective cup, and made multiple Porky's references if you want to know where his head was at all game... SLF's absence also prevented the return of any Falcons "fans" (i.e., loved ones being ordered to scorekeep) in attendance... Tip of the cap to the Buellers for fielding a team and loaning us (another) capable catcher.

BOXSCORE

BATTING:
2B: Teets (2), Grahambo (2), Million Dollar Bill, Poutine, Barry Guerrero Jr
3B: Cowboy, Million Dollar Bill
HR: None
HR-OUTS: None
RBI: Million Dollar Bill (4), Teets (3), Cowboy (2), Beatty, Grahambo, Poutine, Barry Guerrero Jr, Dr J

FIELDING:
DOUBLE PLAYS: Grahambo-Dr J-MDB

PITCHING:
BATTERS FACED: 8 guys a bunch of times

GAME INFORMATION:
STADIUM: K1 FIELD
ATTENDANCE: 0 (0% FULL) - % is based on regular season capacity (Falcons' side only)



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Boxscore:

Statistical Highlights